10:44pm PT by Trilby Beresford
Trevor Noah Compares Trump's Slow Response to Coronavirus Outbreak to a Puppy Distracted by a Frisbee
In Wednesday's installment of The Daily Social Distancing Show, host Trevor Noah spoke about the latest developments with the novel coronavirus, including the rising death toll, before moving onto the president's shifting response to the pandemic.
First, he greeted the audience by acknowledging April Fool's Day and declaring, "no one is in the mood to be pranked." He continued, "In fact, governments around the globe, including Thailand and Germany, have warned their citizens not to spread hoaxes or prank anybody relating to the coronavirus."
Thinking about that further, the late night comedian added, "And let’s just take a moment to realize how crazy things have gotten that world leaders in countries like Germany are out there like, ‘guys, let’s cool it with the coronavirus, yeah? Pranksters, yeah, this year are not cool, OK? Don’t be pranking anybody, OK. You can’t be, like, dunking your balls or telling people the virus cures inside your butt and they have to smell your butt, OK…"
In other news, Noah noted that there are now "900,000 confirmed coronavirus cases around the globe. "What’s disturbing is that some countries are experiencing a second wave of the crisis," he says, giving the example that in Hong Kong, they successfully social distanced and "saw their numbers drop, relaxed their quarantine rules and now they’ve been hit with a new wave of infections."
Noah then jokes, "I feel so bad for these Asian countries, because whether it’s coronavirus or Godzilla, every time they think it’s gone, [it] comes back again for another movie."
The late night host later goes on to note, "While some Asian countries are dealing with a second wave of the coronavirus, other countries are dealing with a wave of their own stupidity. The Malaysian government was forced to apologize after they issued guidelines which told wives that they should not be nagging their husbands too much during quarantine, which is obviously incredibly sexist, but also, people, as stressful as quarantine is, this is not the time for husbands and wives to be fighting each other. Husbands and wives need to come together to fight the true enemy: their kids. Don’t let those cute faces fool you, they’ll shit right on your lap and laugh while doing it."
Confronting the virus numbers, Noah notes that "coronavirus cases have now passed the 200,000 mark and the number of deaths has reached 4,000, doubling in just three days, but one thing I love about America is that even in the most difficult times there are always people who try and find joy." The Daily Show then cut to news footage of people in Buffalo, New York, enjoying the outdoors, "dancing together while keeping their social distance."
“I love this for so many reasons,” Noah says. “It’s amazing seeing people trying to connect with others while keeping your physical distance. And seeing this many white people dancing together makes me feel like the world is back to normal again. I miss those days.”
Moving onto the big story, Noah examines news from the White House. "The big story right now is that President Trump, who usually treats his daily briefings like the last scene in Scarface, came out yesterday and acted for the first time ever like he had also been reading the news.” The Daily Show cut to clips of news anchors noting how Trump is taking a “darker” tone with his news briefings and warning Americans that the next two weeks are going to be tough.
"God damn, Donald Trump for the first time at least sounds like he’s afraid of this virus. And if he’s taking it seriously, then we should be really scared. Because I mean, this guy takes nothing seriously. This is the same dude who stared at an eclipse like it was a magic eye painting. The same dude who sang "Hakuna Matata" when he assassinated a general in Iran. The same dude who responded to a hurricane with a paper towel 3-point contest. So this is a side of Donald Trump we don’t often get. I haven’t seen Trump this somber since Maury told him that he was Eric’s father."
"And if the president is finally treating the crisis with a little more respect, maybe it’s because of the numbers. The White House has just released their first official projection of coronavirus deaths, and they are terrifying. Dr. Birx and Dr. Fauci said that, according to their numbers, even if America did everything right, we could still see 100,000 to 240,000 deaths from coronavirus. And I don’t care what anybody says, that is a staggering number. Even in Call of Duty, if you saw that many deaths, you’d be like, ‘I think I’ve been playing this game too much, I think I’m going to switch to Animal Crossing for a while."
"But while the president may finally be grasping the gravity of this outbreak, he and his allies continue to make excuses for why it took him so long to respond." News clips then explored the notion that impeachment "diverted" the attention of the government, with Trump admitting that it did.
"Ah yes, in classic Trump fashion, the president wants to have it both ways." Noah says, in an impersonation of the president, ‘I acted properly with corona, but I was also distracted by impeachment, but my response has been perfect, but impeachment is why I messed up.’" Winding down the segment, Noah says, "And I gotta say, if Trump was so easily distracted from dealing with a looming pandemic, then that’s bad news. Because then America basically has a puppy as its president. Yeah, one little thing can distract him. Next time America wants to invade Iraq, they should just throw a Frisbee by Trump’s head and that’ll distract him for a month."
Watch the whole clip below.