7:54pm PT by Katie Kilkenny
Trevor Noah Reacts to Mueller's Vague Press Conference on Trump: "Wait, What?"
The Daily Show's Trevor Noah channeled the confusion of many when he responded to former Special Counsel Robert Mueller's surprise press conference on Wednesday, responding to the lawyer's remarks about President Donald Trump's guilt with a "Wait, what?"
Noah, one of the few late-night hosts not on hiatus on Wednesday, started off his Comedy Central program joking about the rampant speculation that Mueller's unexpected remarks on the Russia probe provoked earlier that day. (The Department of Justice announced the morning press conference less than an hour before it took place.) But Noah quickly shifted to the meat of the speech, starting off by deciphering Mueller's remark that "there were multiple, systematic efforts to interfere in our election, and that allegation deserves the attention of every American."
"Okay, he says that every American should pay attention to Russian meddling, but he's really only talking to one American. Trump is really the only one that matters," Noah joked. "I don't think Mueller is going on TV because he thinks Phil from Quizno's isn't taking America's elections seriously enough."
The section of the speech that made headlines Wednesday was Mueller's equivocation on whether the report concluded that Trump had committed a crime. Noting that a Special Counsel could not indict a sitting president, as that would be "unconstitutional," Mueller still said, "If we had complete confidence that the president did not commit a crime, we would have said so."
"Wait, what?" Noah responded. "'If Trump did not commit a crime, 'we would have said so.' So Trump did commit a crime? Or did he just not not commit a crime? Like, Robert Mueller, why don't you just speak English? Even Yoda would be like, 'Hmm, report confusing you make.'"
Noah went on to say that Mueller "said what he said, it was just hidden." If a person asked a potential romantic partner if they had herpes, he argued, and the response was, "Well, if I had confidence that I did not have herpes, I would have said so," then the person definitely had herpes.
"So for now, Robert Mueller refuses to just come out and say President Trump has obstruction herpes," Noah concluded.
As for Mueller's insistence that he not testify in front of Congress, and that "any testimony from this office would not go beyond what is said in the report," Noah had a quick response: "That, my friends, is the conviction of a man who has booked a non-refundable vacation. He's not gonna let Congress screw it up!"
Watch Noah's full reaction to the press conference below.