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This story first appeared in the March 7 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine
1. Pre-write alternate punch lines for different outcomes.
You never know who’s going to win. If Sandra Bullock wins, you can tweet: “I can’t believe she didn’t mention her thigh double.” For Michael Fassbender: “I can’t believe he didn’t thank his penis!”
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2. The Oscars are a great time to offend entire groups with minimal effort.
Wait until your least favorite category is up — say, best documentary short subject — and tweet “PEE BREAK!” or “#snacktime”
3. Be prepared.
Certain topics are guaranteed to be touched upon, and the race for gold will surely go to the swiftest. You don’t want to be googling how to spell “Jacqueline Bisset” the first time someone starts slurring an acceptance speech.
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4. The Oscar telecast is a wonderful time to troll.
Take the opportunity to wind people up by tweeting out an outlandishly inaccurate “fact.” For instance: “Wow. This is the 86th consecutive year that a Jew has won for best adapted screenplay!!”
5. Be bold.
Why not take a comic risk during the “In Memoriam” segment? Something like: “Mel Gibson would have been good in this.”
Follow Joshua Malina on Twitter at @JoshMalina.
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