'Big Bang Theory' Star Melissa Rauch Opens Up About Miscarriage in Moving Essay
The actress writes that she wants to caution people to be careful when asking women about their reproduction plans, and offers advice to other women experiencing prenatal loss.
The Big Bang Theory star Melissa Rauch announced her pregnancy Tuesday in an emotional essay for Glamour magazine in which she also discusses a previous miscarriage and her struggles with infertility.
The actress, who is expecting her first child with her husband Winston in the fall, writes, "Here is the only statement regarding my pregnancy that doesn’t make me feel like a complete fraud: 'Melissa is expecting her first child. She is extremely overjoyed, but if she’s being honest, due to the fact that she had a miscarriage the last time she was pregnant, she’s pretty much terrified at the moment that it will happen again.'"
Rauch, who plays Bernadette on the popular CBS sitcom, explains that due to her miscarriage, she struggled with sharing the news of her pregnancy. "All I could think about was another woman mourning over her loss as I did, worried she would never get pregnant again, and reading about my little bundle on the way," she said, adding, "It felt a bit disingenuous to not also share the struggle it took for me to get here."
Ultimately, Rauch says she feels like sharing her journey can help others going through similar problems. "Ideally, the more we talk about this issue, the more we can chip away at the unnecessary stigma around it, with the end result being that those of us struggling with loss and infertility will feel less alone," she explains.
Rauch goes on to discuss her miscarriage in detail, calling it "one of the most profound sorrows" of her life, and that she felt guilty and blamed herself for it, something she partially credits to the word "miscarriage" itself.
"To me, it immediately conjures up an implication that it was the woman’s fault, like she somehow 'mishandled the carrying of this baby,'" she explains. "F that so hard, right in its patriarchal nut-sack."
To other women who may be experiencing prenatal loss, Rauch advises them to "find something, anything, to bring you comfort" and reminds them that "we all process grief differently."
The actress also wants to caution people to be careful with asking women about their reproduction plans. She jokes, "On the flip side, we’d never inquire of a man: 'When are ya going to shoot a virile load up in someone and create human life?'"
Rauch concludes with a final bit of advice: "So, to all the women out there who are dealing with fertility issues, have gone through a miscarriage or are going through the pain of it currently, allow me to leave you with this message: You are not alone. And, it is perfectly OK to not be OK right now."