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This story first appeared in the Oct. 10 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine.
Someone needs to decide: Is smaller better or is bigger better? With the release of its newest phone, we know where Apple stands — the size of the iPhone 6 Plus is somewhere between an iPhone 5 and a small television set.
There are perks to having a smartphone this large. Alfonso Cuaron wouldn’t scoff at you for watching Gravity on one. The camera takes pictures that can make a 5-year-old photographer seem like Ansel Adams. But still: I test-drove my friend’s new iPhone 6 Plus, and it felt like I was lying up against a window as I was making a call. And holding it up to my ear caused forearm spasms that resembled the early stages of carpal tunnel syndrome.
Don’t get me wrong. I know I’ll eventually buy the new iPhone — and then submerge myself in the accessory subculture. I’ll need new cases, new apps, possibly a power cord. But will I also need a 6-pocket jean with an extra-large pouch? Will I have to buy a fanny pack? After hearing reports that iPhones were actually bending in people’s pockets, I wonder if I’ll be forced to choose between skinny jeans or the latest Apple technology. Will I have to come to grips with the reality of having to carry around a man-purse (aka murse), and if so, does it have to match my shoes? I already miss my carefree “It’s so much easier being a man when it comes to fashion” lifestyle.
Maybe men will just have to embrace a new accessory: the clutch. A popular accessory for women at red-carpet events, smaller than a purse and larger than a cigarette case, this fashionable item can carry such awards-show essentials as protein bars, lipstick, Xanax or the iPhone 5s. Larger sizes coming soon.
Get my stylist on the line. I’m going to the Apple Store.
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