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Jon Stewart dropped by the Late Show With Stephen Colbert on Monday night to discuss President Donald Trump’s recent tweets that criticized “unfunny” late-night hosts for being “anti-Trump” and not offering “equal time.”
In the tweet, Trump wrote, “Late Night hosts are dealing with the Democrats for their very ‘unfunny’ and repetitive material, always anti-Trump! Should we get equal time?”
“No,” Colbert said. “You’re the president. We make fun of you. But we’re going to do it anyway, just to make you feel better, sir. I will now be joined by another host, licensed in ‘unfunny.’ And that host will offer balance to whatever I say about the president,” Colbert said, introducing Stewart to the stage.
Colbert said that Stewart would be the “balance,” whereas he himself would provide the counterbalance with his “usual unfair slamming of the president.”
Beginning his comments about Trump, Colbert joked, “Donald Trump thinks we should give equal time on a comedy show, even though the election is over. Kind of like if The Big Bang Theory was immediately followed by ‘The Creationist Bazinga Fun Time Hour,’ starring Jesus and his roommate a T-Rex. Look out for the spinoff, ‘Young Jesus.’”
“And be positive,” Colbert said, gesturing that it was Stewart’s moment to speak.
Stewart unsure on what to say, remains silent until asking Colbert if he could “have more time.” “We gotta get going. Just say something positive,” Colbert responds.
“Donald Trump is not a cannibal,” Stewart managed to say.
Colbert redirected the discussion to comment on allegations against Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, who reportedly called Trump a “moron.” “Not only is that an insult, he gave away Trump’s secret service code name,” Colbert said.
Feeling more prepared for a “positive” rebuttal, Stewart said, “Given the choice between having hot lava poured into my pee hole and Donald Trump being president, I choose lav—,” Stewart began, with Colbert interjecting “Positive Jon!” “The Latter,” Stewart corrected.
Colbert then commented on Trump’s recent move to allow employers to be exempt from providing health insurance that covers birth control. “Pretty soon, the only contraceptive women will have is his face.”
“I’m in the groove now. I’m starting to feel great,” Stewart said as he prepared to for his rebuttal. “Donald Trump is great to women,” Stewart joked. “Great?” Colbert asked, leaving Stewart to change his wording to “Good.” Stewart then took a jab at Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assault allegations, claiming that Trump is “better than Harvey Weinstein” when it comes his treatment of women.
“Maybe, I’ll fact-check that,” Colbert responded as the audience laughed.
After showing a clip where the president is heard asking whether military leaders and their spouses, posing for a White House photo op, knew what the photograph represented. “Maybe this is the calm before the storm,” Trump told them, leaving reporters to ask what he meant. Trump responded, “You’ll find out.”
“What the fuck is wrong with this guy?” Stewart yelled. “A cliff-hanger, surrounded by military people. Will Trump give humanity the rose? Will civilization make it to the fantasy suite? How is all this not the storm?” Stewart asked. Further emphasizing, “This is all the storm.”
Unable to say something lighthearted, Stewart continued, “What kind of sociopath would use that terminology when people are literally cleaning up from storms?”
“I’m sorry, I know I was supposed to be positive, but I can’t do it,” Stewart told Colbert, redirecting the mic to him.
Unsure on what “positive” thing to say about the president, Colbert mimicked Stewart’s original response. “Donald Trump is not a cannibal,” Colbert joked as the audience cheered for both comedians.
Later in the show, Colbert played a video recorded by Stewart thanking the president for the honor of being in the “Trump Attacked Me on Twitter Hall of Fame.” Pretending to choke back tears, Stewart began, “When I was a little boy, I used to dream at night. All the teachers would tell me ‘You could be whatever you want.’ And I said, ‘I’d like to be someone that the president called a ‘pussy’ on Twitter at 2:30 in the morning.’”
“I can remember my teacher saying, ‘Yeah right. Like that would happen.’ Well guess what motherfucker, it happened. How weird is that?” Stewart finished as a 2013 tweet appeared onscreen. In the tweet, Trump wrote, “Little Jon Stewart (?) Is a pussy, he would be hopeless in a debate with me!”
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