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During an interview with Oprah Winfrey that aired Sunday night on OWN, Lindsay Lohan admitted to lying about how many times she used cocaine.
While the actress has previously stated that she used the drug three or four times, she told Winfrey that the actual number is more like 10-15 times.
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“I was terrified of being judged,” she said, adding that she snorted — but never injected — the drug.
Lohan also admitted, “I’m an addict,” yet insisted that her addiction is only to alcohol.
“That, in the past, was a gateway to other things for me,” she said. “I tried cocaine with alcohol.”
Lohan added that she didn’t enjoy using cocaine: “I never felt good the next day.” But she took it because it “allowed me to drink more. It was a party thing. People would have it, and I’d do it.”
Lohan also said when she found out she was going to jail — she first was locked up in 2010 for violating probation — that moment was “terrifying.” But, subconsciously, she knew that she needed help.
“Having all the chaos around me that I was so comfortable with, I somewhere inside knew I wanted to go to jail,” she said. “And I think that that was subconsciously being put out there just by my actions, or lack thereof.”
She also praised her attorney, Shawn Holley, who has appeared on The Hollywood Reporter’s list of most powerful entertainment attorneys: “She’s my family, she’s been through a lot with me, she’s stood by me. I love her. She’s got a great spirit and cares for me and wants what’s best for me.”
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Lohan, who has been in rehab six times, says she’s clean now and takes only vitamins along with Nexium for her acid reflux. She said that she once took Adderall for her ADD but has since stopped because she doesn’t believe she needs it anymore — and functions better without it. She added that it wasn’t a sudden a-ha moment that spurred her to change her ways but more of a realization over a period of time.
Asked if she is “addicted to chaos,” Lohan replied: “I think so. Yeah, it was a comfortable choice to me. What was chaotic to other people in the outside looking in was normal. There is something to be said about me learning to be comfortable with things just being OK.”
Meanwhile, Lohan’s parents — Dina and Michael Lohan — have been accused in the past of exploiting their daughter, but the actress denied that she felt they had ever done such a thing. However, she did admit that she wishes certain family problems — such as her leaked phone call with her father in which she accused her mother of doing coke (an accusation she told Winfrey was false) — hadn’t been aired in public.
Lohan, who is currently starring in The Canyons, which hit theaters Aug. 2, also made her case that she’s not the same wild child of the past several years. She said she’s ready to prove that she is a responsible adult who can be trusted by directors, producers and the like.
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“[I’m ready] to get the thing that has made me happiest my whole life back, which is to work really hard, stay focused and prove myself,” she said. “I have to regain trust in people, in my career, that had doubts, and I fully respect that on their behalf. As long as I stay honest in myself and do the work I’m willing to do and have been willing to do and am doing, then nothing can stand in my way. I am my own worst enemy, and I know that.”
Next up, Lohan is traveling with her brother to Europe to take part in a yoga and meditation retreat.
“I’m different,” the actress said when pressed by Winfrey whether that was the best decision for her, only four days out of rehab. “I feel different. I’m in a different headspace. I don’t want those things I wanted before.”
Still, Winfrey encouraged her to stay in New York for some time before embarking on such a trip, an idea Lohan said she would consider.
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