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Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t forgive and forget.
It has been over a year since Matt Damon notoriously took over his show and renamed it Jimmy Kimmel Sucks! and then hosted a star-studded collection of guests as the normally chatty host sat bound and gagged in a chair.
After banning him from ever coming back and calling all out war, Kimmel was finally forced to wave the white flag and allow the Monuments Men star back to the ABC set on Thursday with the rest of the cast, but he wasn’t giving in without a fight.
“Which means I have a Batman and a Ghostbuster — it’s like a rich kid’s birthday party!” said Kimmel as he introduced his veritable guests. He went on to describe the World War II epic as “the adult version of The Goonies.”
After heralding the illustrious cast, Kimmel was forced to acknowledge his arch enemy. “I forgot — one of tonight’s guests, Matt Damon, is with us tonight — don’t clap!” he threatened the audience. “If I hear one clap, I swear I will clear this room.
“Matt is in The Monuments Men, which I don’t get. Why would George Clooney hire Matt Damon when you can have a baboon to play that part for half the price?
“Last time Matt was here, I wound up gagged and tied to a chair. Every great hero has a nemesis — Spider-Man has the Green Goblin, I have Liberace‘s boyfriend — and tonight we cross swords again.
“Oh, it’s Matt Bourne-ing in his dressing room,” he joked, as they showed a behind-the-scenes shot of Damon looking lonely backstage on his cell phone. “Siri is the only one who will talk to him, probably uploading a selfie or something,” he quipped. “Every night, he is in that dressing room just waiting and waiting … do we need to have him on anymore? Technically that was an appearance, right? I am sorry you had to see that.”
When chatting with Clooney about the film, Kimmel asked: “Why not make Matt Damon Hitler?” to which peacekeeper George said: “I think it is sad what is going with you two.”
While interviewing the rest of the cast, Kimmel’s questions began to include jabs against Damon: “Who needed the most ‘me’ time? Who is most likely to Google himself?” — with the group answer always coming up: “Matt.”
“I am starting to see what you mean now,” said good pal Clooney, before the group began speculating that Damon didn’t even write Good Will Hunting.
Kimmel then introduced him as “the least of The Monuments Men,” who only has one Oscar.
“Do I get a f—ing chair?” asked Matt as he stood there uncomfortably. “Was he like this the whole time on the set?” asked Kimmel, to hollers of laughter, as poor Damon sat on a tiny stool like an outcast while the others lounged on a comfy sofa.
“A lot of people said Matt didn’t have the chops acting-wise to play a role like this. I didn’t expect an answer, I just wanted it out there.”
Blanchett then added, “I have great respect for the work of the Make-A-Wish Foundation,” as the rest of the cast joined in to make fun of Damon, saying he was now working on some “dinner theater and a cereal commercial.” Instead of showing a clip of him from The Monuments Men, a scene from Behind the Candelabra flashed onscreen with a glistening Damon slinking out of a swimming pool — leaving even his veteran co-stars speechless.
“I finally get on the show and you don’t ask me a question. Ask me a f—ing question,” demanded a neglected Damon.
“What’s your problem?” Kimmel deadpaned.
When Kimmel finally asked him a real question, a fire alarm suddenly went off and everyone cleared the stage except Matt. “I am not leaving; this is obviously a trick. I am not leaving,” he vowed stubbornly. “The f—ing band is leaving too? There’s no fire!
“You’re not even firemen!” shouted Damon, as men in uniform doused him with foam. “I am going to grab you around the balls, and I am going to…” he threatened, before being interrupted by the closing credits.
It is clear that in this celebrity feud, Jimmy Kimmel definitely had the last word.
Watch clips of The Monuments Men cast on Jimmy Kimmel below:
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