This Goop Parody Is Scary Similar to the Real Thing

Harper Collins

It's a satire, sure, but we wouldn't be surprised if Gwyneth Paltrow picks up a couple of ideas.

Divided into sections with titles such as "Exist," "Create," and "Look At," Glop — a Harper Collins-published parody in book form of Gwyneth's Paltrow's all-natural, sometimes questionable beauty, health and wellness site, Goop — can almost pass for the real thing. 

WASP-y women engaging in WASP-y activities such as yoga, vegetable chopping and lounging leisurely on some rocks, smile up at readers from the glossy pages, and topics tackled include (but are not limited to): bone broths, crystals, gluten and TED talks.

However, it's when you dive into the meatier bits of text that author Gabrielle Moss' absurd (and hilarious) suggestions shine through. For example, a recipe for "age-defying bone broth" calls for "a femur from an acclaimed actress under the age of 21," with this fun disclaimer: "Glop absolutely does not advise sourcing this bone by calling up Elle Fanning’s agent and promising Elle a mysterious, prestigious acting gig that requires her to come to the alley behind the Denny’s on Wilshire right now, alone (primarily because it doesn’t work)."

Considering the preposterous nature of some of Goop's actual propositions (vaginal steaming and 24-karat dildos, anyone?), a fun party game might be to try to guess if the lifestyle tips are from Goop or Glop?

For example: "A Psychologist Astrologer on Using Your Sun Sign to Navigate Conflict" vs. "A Guide to the Right Crystals for the Right Occasion" — which is the parody and which is the something Paltrow herself might discuss at length at a dinner party with Beyonce and Jay Z? 

Moss, who was inspired to pen Glop after testing out Paltrow's recommended vaginal steam experience for Bustle, notes that like Goop, "Glop is a business and a website. But Glop is also a feeling." Reads a release for the parody, "Glop includes everything from the silly to sublime — make-at-home stem cell moisturizing repair masques, weekend colonics, restorative yoga poses (for when Sting is mad at you about that thing you did) and even the freshest bones for your bone broth."

Glop: Nontoxic Ideas That Will Make You Look Ridiculous and Feel Pretentious is now available for pre-order ($19.99) and hits stores on Dec. 6. It really is the perfect holiday gift for that friend who claims she reads Goop for the sake of irony, but has also non-ironically adopted the phrase "conscious uncoupling" into her everyday vernacular. You know the one.