Jesse Tyler Ferguson Ponders iPhone 6 Dilemma: Do I Need a Man Purse?

Do I Need a Murse Illo - H 2014
Illustration by: David Galletly

Do I Need a Murse Illo - H 2014

Writing for THR, the 'Modern Family' star says the new oversize phone raises many fashion questions

This story first appeared in the Oct. 10 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine.

Someone needs to decide: Is smaller better or is bigger better? With the release of its newest phone, we know where Apple stands — the size of the iPhone 6 Plus is somewhere between an iPhone 5 and a small television set.

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There are perks to having a smartphone this large. Alfonso Cuaron wouldn't scoff at you for watching Gravity on one. The camera takes pictures that can make a 5-year-old photographer seem like Ansel Adams. But still: I test-drove my friend's new iPhone 6 Plus, and it felt like I was lying up against a window as I was making a call. And holding it up to my ear caused forearm spasms that resembled the early stages of carpal tunnel syndrome.

Don't get me wrong. I know I'll eventually buy the new iPhone — and then submerge myself in the accessory subculture. I'll need new cases, new apps, possibly a power cord. But will I also need a 6-pocket jean with an extra-large pouch? Will I have to buy a fanny pack? After hearing reports that iPhones were actually bending in people's pockets, I wonder if I'll be forced to choose between skinny jeans or the latest Apple technology. Will I have to come to grips with the reality of having to carry around a man-purse (aka murse), and if so, does it have to match my shoes? I already miss my carefree "It's so much easier being a man when it comes to fashion" lifestyle.

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Maybe men will just have to embrace a new accessory: the clutch. A popular accessory for women at red-carpet events, smaller than a purse and larger than a cigarette case, this fashionable item can carry such awards-show essentials as protein bars, lipstick, Xanax or the iPhone 5s. Larger sizes coming soon.

Get my stylist on the line. I'm going to the Apple Store.