Kimmel Slams Cruz Over Porn "Like": He "Masturbates to Pictures of Poor People Without Health Care"

Getty Images
Ted Cruz

"If only he did something this perverted during the campaign, he might be president now.”

Well, it was inevitable. 

When the world discovered that Senator Ted Cruz had "liked" a porn video on Twitter, the mockery and derision was certain to follow, particularly given the Texas Republican's staunchly conservative credentials and his penchant for pontificating on family values. 

Enter Jimmy Kimmel, who wasted no time and went for the jugular on his late night show Tuesday, dedicating the majority of his opening monologue to Cruz's Twitter travails.

"The video is from a genre known as ‘stepmom porn,’ which is, oh, he’s a family values guy. Just think: If only he did something this perverted during the campaign, he might be president now.”

Kimmel then went through the possible scenarios of what could have happened. "I have 4 theories. No. 1. Someone on his staff was browsing porn on Twitter and accidentally liked it. No. 2. His Twitter account was hacked. No. 3. Ted himself was looking at the porn, his wife, Heidi, walked in and he accidentally hit the “like” button while he was trying to get his pants zipped up. Or, no. 4. Ted lost the presidential election, he’s been bullied by Trump, he didn’t get a Cabinet position, he’s tired of being the uptight religious guy from Texas, and he just said, ‘Screw it, I watch porn in public now. This is who I am.’"

Kimmel took issue with Cruz's explanation that it was a "staffing issue" and a "mistake," but felt it probably wasn't the senator who "liked" the porn because ultimately to his thinking, "Ted Cruz masturbates to pictures of poor people without health care." 

Ouch. 

comments powered by Disqus