Late-Night Hosts Invite God to Respond to Bill O'Reilly
"Don't drag me into this."
Late-night hosts across the television dial addressed Bill O'Reilly's recent comments that he's "mad" at God following his ouster from his former hosting position at Fox News and a recent New York Times report that brought sexual harassment claims against the former host to light once again.
On The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah invited God (Dulce Sloan) on the show. "I came to talk about Bill O'Reilly and why he dragged my ass into his drama," Sloan, sporting a white beard and robes, said. "I came down to tell Bill O'Reilly to keep my name outta his mouth. He did this to himself. Hasn't this cooch-monster ever heard of personal responsibility?" A series of clips of O'Reilly speaking about "personal responsibility" over the years on his show followed.
Jordan Klepper followed Noah's lead-in during his Comedy Central show The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper.
"Where was the big man upstairs to stop Bill from making those filthy phone calls?" the host asked. "Where was God when he had to payout $32 million in his latest settlement? Because trust me, God has the money."
He then added, "I say, Bill, when you're settling sexual harassment suits and you look down and see only one set of footprints, worry not ‚ that's when Roger Ailes is carrying you."
Over on Conan, the TBS host similarly invoked God’s word. During his opening monologue, the host quipped, “Bill O’Reilly revealed that he is mad at God for putting him through his sexual harassment scandal. Today, God refused to comment, instead, she just laughed.”
On The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, the CBS host also welcomed God to his broadcast.
“Is God really to blame for this whole scandal?” Colbert asked, before being joined by none other than the deity Himself.
“Don’t drag me into this,” God said. “I don’t want my name associated with this Bill O’Reilly business.”
God then went on to recount his own embarrassing incidences with women, including “getting that chick pregnant.”
When asked if He was to blame for O'Reilly's troubles, God responded, “Yes, I gave him that free will and look what he did with it. It’s like giving a toddler a car, which I’ve also done.”