Late Night Hosts Joke About Supreme Court's Gay Marriage Rulings

Stephen Colbert Time 100 Gala - P 2012
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Stephen Colbert Time 100 Gala - P 2012

Stephen Colbert worries about the "mass of man meat" taking over America, while Jimmy Kimmel says he's lucky Channing Tatum is his guest the day same-sex marriage is legalized.

Supporters of same-sex marriage won a huge victory in the Supreme Court on Wednesday, and TV’s late-night hosts took note.

On Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert’s conservative alter ego was predictably upset by the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. He claimed he was broadcasting from a studio over international waters “to protect us from the hot, sweaty mass of man meat that is no doubt writhing" all over America.

"If DOMA is unconstitutional, that means the Constitution is gay,” Colbert said. “Of course, no real shocker. It was written by a bunch of dudes in wigs and tights in the city of brotherly love."

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Colbert’s Comedy Central colleague John Oliver used his The Daily Show pulpit to celebrate the decision, starting the show by working the audience into a frenzy: “"We did it! Well, technically the Supreme Court did it. But we watched! We watched!"

He went on to roll news footage of San Francisco’s historically gay Castro District, with a news anchor saying the neighborhood's streets would be shut down for a celebration featuring music from a DJ.

"Or as it's called in the Castro District: Wednesday,” Oliver said.

On CBS, David Letterman riffed on the federal benefits same-sex couples would now be eligible thanks to DOMA’s repeal.

"Same-sex married couples are now entitled to the same benefits of other married couples,” Letterman said. “That's great news for the Lone Ranger and Tonto. Batman and Robin. Abercrombie and Fitch. Ben and Jerry. Me and Paul."

Letterman ended the joke by blowing a kiss to The Late Show bandleader Paul Shaffer.

ABC's Jimmy Kimmel found providence between the ruling and one of his Jimmy Kimmel Live! bookings that day.

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“Hey -- I hope your Tatums are ready to get Channinged all over tonight. Channing Tatum is here. On the same day the Supreme Court paved the way for gay marriage in California. Am I the luckiest guy in the world or what?”

He also poked fun of one of his favorite TV shows, The Bachelor.

“Until this morning, marriage in the United States was defined as a contract between one man, one woman, and the producers of The Bachelor. But that is no longer the case," Kimmel said.

TBS' Conan O'Brien said gay marriage's legalization in California begged the question: "Andy, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Today, President Obama personally called and talked to the two lesbians who helped legalize gay marriage in California. It was awkward at first because the women had to put Bill Clinton on hold," O'Brien said.

O'Brien also questioned Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's scathing written dissent, which "implied that he disapproves of gay sex."

"My guess: he’s just doing it wrong," O'Brien quipped.

NBC's Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon did did not address the Supreme Court ruling during their opening monologues.