Morrissey Wins Bad Sex in Fiction Award for Debut Novel

Kyleen James

"A dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation."

Given that he's written the soundtrack for many a miserable scenario, Morrissey might not be considered someone suitably equipped to turn his pen to the subject of unbridled physical passion.

As it turns out, a judging panel in the U.K. on Tuesday appeared to think the same, handing The Smiths frontman its annual "bad sex in fiction" award for those who author "poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction."

The singer triumphed over a "vibrant and varied" competition to snatch one of literature's least coveted gongs for his debut novel List of the Lost, with the judges claiming they were won over by an "ecstatic scene" featuring the book's two lead characters.

Here's one particular passage from the novel that was singled out by the panel.

"At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone."