Clueless College Mascot Asks Nirvana for Homecoming Video

On July 23, 2013, Sub Pop Records posted this tweet: “We received a letter in our mailbag asking Nirvana to send a video to support a campaign bid for homecoming queen.”

On the label’s site is said letter from a Virginia Polytechnic and State University student whose name has been redacted, which said, in part: “As a homecoming candidate, we [sic] were wondering if Nirvana would send a quick video to us that we could include in our video collage to widely distribute to our 30,000+ students during Homecoming Week. … It presents great publicity for them, and as Virginia Tech loves Nirvana, we’d love to have her [sic] in our video.” (Read it in its entirety below.)

There are so many things absurdly wrong about this letter, we don’t know where to start. Besides the sheer hilarity of a note asking for the no-longer-a-band band to take time out of what would have been an insanely packed schedule to yell into their iPhones, “Let’s go Hokies!,” there’s the gender gaffe (does this person think Kurt Cobain, who died in 1994, is a girl?) and the inconceivable carrots dangled to entice the rockers: the presence of fellow “artists” Big N Rich, Ying Yang Twins, the Cataracs, Slightly Stoopid, and “three famous NFL Players.” Three of them!

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All the band has to do is say, “What’s up Virginia Tech? This is Nirvana! We just wanted to wish you guys a Happy Homecoming Week and good luck at the game this Saturday. LET’S GO HOKIES!”

Perhaps surviving Nirvana members Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl, who recently joined Paul McCartney onstage in Seattle to play several Beatles classics, could, er, get back to 1991 and submit the riotous, cheerleader-laced “Smells Like Teen Spirit” video instead.

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“iPhone videos are actually great,” suggests the would-be homecoming queen. In 1992, they would have been downright revolutionary. 

Sub Pop, the Seattle-based label that first signed the band, “dressed up and obliged,” according to a post on its tumblr promising to stick to the script, “‘LET’S GO HOAGIES!’ Or something like that.”

Clueless or not, we have to give this person credit: This surely smells like team spirit. Rah rah rock.

Watch Sub Pop’s video below:

Twitter: @THRMusic