Justin Bieber Opens Up After First “Awkward” TV Appearance: “I’m Not What I Was Pretending to Be”

Justin Bieber made his first television appearance in quite a while on Thursday, surprising Ellen DeGeneres for her birthday with flowers and a pair of Calvin Kleins, of course.

The notoriously scandalous musician has been keeping quiet as of late, “and honestly, I haven’t been on TV in a while so I’m a little nervous,” he admitted on Ellen. “I just get nervous around crowds when I’m not singing.”

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He’s looking forward to his own birthday, which he’s celebrating with a Comedy Central roast. “I think it’s just cool to be able to laugh at yourself — I’ve done some things that might not have been the greatest,” he said in reference to his various run-ins with the law. “I just want to be able to … just kind own up to some of the things.”

After the appearance, Bieber shared a candid video diary on Facebook, reflecting on his TV appearance.

“I was really nervous, and I think I was nervous because I’m just, I was afraid of what people are thinking about me right now,” he said via Facebook Mentions. “It’s been a minute since I’ve been in the public appearance, and I didn’t want to come off arrogant or conceited.

“Basically, I’ve been acting [out] in the past year, year and a half, and I’m not what I was pretending to be. Why I say ‘pretending’ is often, we pretend to be something we’re not as a cover-up of what we’re truly feeling inside. There was a lot of feelings going on in there. Just being young and growing up in this business is hard. Growing up in general is hard.

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“But yeah, I felt awkward up there, I felt like all those people judging me. And I really wanted people to know how much I care, how much I care about people. And how I’m not that person to say that ‘I don’t give a f—.’ I’m not that kid. I’m a person that genuinely, genuinely cares. And although what’s happened in the past has happened, I just want to make the best impression on people and be kind and loving and gentle and soft. And although people can call me a softie, that’s how my mom raised me.”

Watch the video below.