Oscars: Read Chris Rock and Steve Martin's Opening Transcript

The former hosts opened the 92nd annual Academy Awards, but not as hosts this time around.

Chris Rock and Steve Martin shared the opening words of the 92nd annual Oscars — though not as hosts, they were clear to note. Read the transcript below.

Chris Rock: Wow, Janelle Monáe. Incredible! That was incredible! That was incredible. While we were backstage watching it, Steve says to me "J.Lo’s killing it two weeks in a row!”

Steve Martin: You know I was thinking today Chris, we both have hosted the Oscars before, and this is such an incredible demotion! They don’t really have hosts anymore, why is that?

Rock: Twitter! Everybody’s got an embarrassing tweet somewhere. I know I do.

Martin: Now, a couple of years ago there was a big disaster here at the Oscars where they accidentally read out the wrong name — and it was nobody’s fault — but it’s guaranteed that won’t happen this year because the Academy has switched to the new Iowa Caucus App. But what a night!

Rock: I don’t know, Steve. I’m a little conflicted, you know? I was driving here tonight, seeing the terrible homeless problem in L.A.—

Martin: Thank you, Chris! So many stars! Oh my God, there’s Brad Pitt, it’s like looking in a mirror.

Rock: And Mahershala Ali is here tonight. Mahershala has two Oscars. You know what that means when the cops pull him over? Nothing! Jeff Bezos is here!

Martin: Oh wow, great actor.

Rock: He’s got so much cash, when he writes a check, the bank bounces. Jeff Bezos is so rich he got divorced and he’s still the richest man in the world. He saw Marriage Story and thought it was a comedy. Steve, do you have anything you’d like to add about Mr. Bezos?

Martin: No, I like getting my packages on time. And Marty Scorsese’s here, somewhere! Genius, wow.

Rock: Marty, I loved the first season of The Irishman.

Martin: Oh, The Irishman! That’s that new Ray Romano movie. Such a great supporting cast.

Rock: Steve, did you see the Joker?

Martin: I can’t wait to see it, it sounds so funny! I’m laughing already. Joker!

Rock: There’s so many great directors nominated this year.

Martin: I don’t know, Chris, I thought there was something missing from the list this year.

Rock: Vaginas? Yeah.

Martin: Yeah. 

Rock: Ford v Ferrari is nominated. I gotta tell you, I got a Ford, I got a Ferrari: it ain’t even close! That’s like Halle Berry vs. gum disease!

Martin: Cynthia Erivo is here tonight!

Rock: Yes, Cynthia Erivo is here tonight. Cynthia did such a great job in Harriet hiding black people that the Academy got her to hide all the black nominees! Cynthia, is Eddie Murphy under this stage?

Martin: Eddie, I loved you in Dolemite! Well, Chris, think how much the Oscars have changed in the past 92 years.

Rock: Yeah, they’ve changed lots, Steve.

Martin: Back in 1929 there were no black acting nominees.

Rock: And now in 2020 we got one!

Martin: Amazing growth! Well, we’ve had a great time not hosting tonight.

Rock: Yes, we had an amazing time. Now, here to present the first award of the night, please welcome one-time Academy Award winner and 15-time Soul Train Award winner Regina King!