Sorry, Derek Zoolander.

Apparently all is not well in Zoolander 2 world.

In a series of marketing posts on Instagram, Penelope Cruz’s character Valentina Valencia began by publicly kissing Cara Delevingne in Paris last week. Now Derek Zoolander is in the doghouse. And Cruz took got revenge in the best way possible.

First, she posted a photo of herself lying in bed, wearing a bathrobe, pumps and a rose behind her ear. Her caption began, "Dear Derek … here I am … alone, again, in New York. When we fell in love I knew it was dangerous. Me, a woman with brains, talent and intelligence, and you, a male model with … good skin … and hair. OF COURSE it would never work." She goes on to say, "It’s just a movie Derek, it will come and go, and no matter what you say, it is not a ‘documentary about your life as an awesome person.’" Her dignity damaged with the Delevingne affair and rumors of Zoolander hanging out with other models, she asks for forgiveness for what she’s about to do.

 

Dear Derek ... here I am … alone, again, in New York. When we fell in love I knew it was dangerous. Me, a woman with brains, talent and intelligence, and you, a male model with … good skin … and hair. Of COURSE it could never work. Lately, you have been so busy promoting your “career” it seems you have forgotten the one thing that matters most. Being there for the important people in your life. It’s just a movie, Derek, it will come and go, and no matter what you say, it is not a “documentary about your life as an awesome person." Also, Ever since I heard about you cheating on me with Cara Delevingne, I have been tortured by the images from your instagram. And if that wasn't humiliating enough, today I found out you've spent the weekend hanging out with other "models" Today my damaged dignity will speak. Please forgive me for what I am about to do# Querido Derek, aquí estoy otra vez, sola, en NY, el lugar donde nos conocimos. Supe desde el principio que nuestra relación era un juego de alto riesgo. Yo, una mujer con cerebro e inteligencia, y tu, un modelo con...pelo...y buena piel. Por supuesto que esto no podía funcionar! Últimamente has estado tan ocupado promocionando tu carrera que te has olvidado de lo mas importante de la vida. Estar ahí para los que te quieren DE VERDAD. Solo es una película, Derek. Igual que viene se va. Te juro que desde que supe que me estabas traicionando con @caradelavigne vivo torturada por las imágenes de tu instagram. Como si eso no fuera suficiente humillación , se que has pasado el fin de semana rodeado de "modelos" Hoy mi dignidad esta dañada y va a hablar. Perdóname por lo que estoy a punto de hacer.

A photo posted by Penélope Cruz (@penelopecruzoficial) on Feb 9, 2016 at 6:00pm PST

 

It started innocently enough …. I heard the brilliant actor and well known lover and swordsman Will Ferrell was in the hotel. I invited him to my room … Just for a few laughs. I told him to shower, put on a robe and to entertain me with funny jokes. He was shy at first … afraid … timid … like a young man about to climb mount Everest. The mount Everest of … love. Seriously Derek, what part of your dumb brain thought “Hey, I think I’ll CHEAT ON HER" You realize that’s like, the stupidest move ever, right? Like…… I’ve seen wet garbage in central park smarter than that. Todo empezó de manera inocente. Alguien me dijo que el brillante actor Will Ferrell estaba en el mismo hotel. Le invite a tomar algo a mi habitación ... Le pedí que se duchara ,que se pusiera cómodo y me alegrara la tarde con unos cuantos chistes. Al principio estuvo tímido ... miedoso ... como un muchacho joven a punto de escalar el Everest. El Everest del amor. En serio, Derek, que parte de tu cerebro de hormiga pensó "Venga, creo que no pasa nada si le pongo los cuernos" Te das cuenta de que es la cosa más estúpida que has hecho en tu vida? Te juro que he visto bolsas de basura tiradas en central park con mas neuronas que tu.

A photo posted by Penélope Cruz (@penelopecruzoficial) on Feb 9, 2016 at 6:05pm PST

 

As expected, we had a pretty good time. Derek, You know I am not a bad person. But I knew my affair with Will Ferrell would not be mean enough if I was to willingly hurt you. So I called someone who I probably shouldn’t have. Someone I knew would really really REALLY get under your skin and hurt your feelings and break your heart. And make you sorry you ever cheated on me. So… #sorrynotsorry. #Han-cruz-errel #Will-hans-lopecruz Como esperaba, lo pasamos bastante bien. Derek, creo que sabes que no soy una mala persona, pero siento que mi desliz con Will Ferrell no basta si lo que realmente quiero y necesito es hacerte daño. Así que he llamado a alguien. Alguien con quien realmente te va a doler verme y con quien voy a poder romperte el corazón y hacer que te arrepientas de tu absurdo comportamiento. Así que.. #sorrynotsorry

A photo posted by Penélope Cruz (@penelopecruzoficial) on Feb 10, 2016 at 3:06am PST

 

That's right, Derek. I called your best friend. HANSEL. #Han-cruz-errel #Will-hans-lopecruz Así es, Derek. Aquí estoy con tu mejor amigo. HANSEL #Han-cruz-errel #Will-hans-lopecruz

A photo posted by Penélope Cruz (@penelopecruzoficial) on Feb 10, 2016 at 3:13am PST

 

Okay … Not going to lie Derek, this is the part that got kinda weird. Even for me. Hansel and Will Ferrell started to get kinda super into each other. OK. No te voy a mentir, Derek, las cosas se han empezado a poner muy raras. Hansel y Will Ferrell parecen estar conectando a un nivel muy profundo. Demasiado.

A photo posted by Penélope Cruz (@penelopecruzoficial) on Feb 10, 2016 at 6:42am PST