- Share this article on Facebook
- Share this article on Twitter
- Share this article on Email
- Show additional share options
- Share this article on Print
- Share this article on Comment
- Share this article on Whatsapp
- Share this article on Linkedin
- Share this article on Reddit
- Share this article on Pinit
- Share this article on Tumblr
Noah did a “pirate broadcast” from a time jump to the year 2020, taking a look at what a dystopian society the United States could become after four years of a Donald Trump presidency.
In this fictional world, most of the news channels are off the air because of libel laws that Trump enforced. Trump News Network is the only one still fully functional, John Oliver was taken away by police during a segment about eggs and the only way Noah survived was by pretending to be Steve Harvey. “The police couldn’t tell the difference between us,” said Noah.
The Daily Show host explained that the election was tipped to Trump after the Clinton email scandal resurfaced, despite the FBI eventually realizing there was nothing new in their investigation, just 650,000 Anthony Weiner “dick pics.” Trump changed the Washington monument into a Weiner monument in honor of the disgraced congressman. “One dick got another dick elected,” said Noah.
In this new society, automated arms stop and frisk black people every 90 seconds and there’s a new national anthem with lyrics about Trump’s large hands. Hillary Clinton is in “super Guantanamo” along with former VP Mike Pence, Joe Biden snuck onto the Obamas‘ ship to Mars and Bill Clinton went to Venus since “that’s where women come from.”
Trump also bombed Iceland after blaming the country for ISIS, replaced Obamacare with an energy drink and sexually assaulted a penguin in Antarctica.
In his monologue, Corden joked about the timing of the Comey email release, saying it makes sense that on Halloween weekend “Trump’s campaign comes back from the dead for one final scare.”
“Of course a Weiner was going to get in the way of the first female president in the White House,” said Corden, talking about how the emails were discovered during an investigation into Anthony Weiner’s alleged sexting with a teenage girl.
“I knew sexting could be dangerous but I didn’t know it could be end of civilization dangerous,” said Corden. The Late Late Show host also mocked the Trump supporters who called for Clinton’s incarceration with the misspelled hashtag “HillaryForPrision.” He referred to them as “morions” and suggested that if Clinton really did do something wrong, she should be forced to do the “worst government job imaginable” for four to eight years.
Colbert came out in his Halloween costume “the spookiest October surprise: FBI director James Comey.” He wore a suit and red tie, and even took a minute to make the same face as the director in a photo of Comey that appeared next to him onscreen. Colbert called Comey the man who “reanimated the corpse” of the Clinton email scandal. Colbert mocked the Weiner connection, using similar jokes that he had told on Friday’s message from his fake office.
“So this is it — emails that could tip the election in favor of a sexually ravenous shambling orange baby man,” said Colbert. “So what do they say? These emails must be explosive.” He went on to guess that they must expose unprecedented levels of government corruption with incontrovertible evidence in order to release news of the investigation to Congress so close to election day.
But after looking at what Comey’s letter actually says, that the FBI cannot asses whether or not this material is significant, Colbert points out that the emails could contain “everything or nothing.” The FBI just received a warrant to read the emails Sunday and has to sift through 650,000 of them. “To recap your weekend, here’s what we know — nothing,” said Colbert.
“James Comey, it’s not a letter, but I do have a message for you,” said Colbert, holding one hand in front of the other. “And it’s behind this hand. I can’t release what it is until after the election.”
Meyers dedicated a “Closer Look” segment to the email controversy.
“Trump still hasn’t released his tax returns, 12 women have accused him of sexual assault, and he’s going on trial for fraud for Trump University in November — but now the only thing the media’s talking about is emails,” said Meyers. He compared it to people following the O.J. Simpson trial and focusing on whether or not the Ford Bronco had up-to-date registration.
Like the other hosts, Meyers discussed the vagueness in Comey’s letter, playing clips from both liberal and conservative outlets that talked about the lack of clarity given in the letter.
He said the letter was so vague, it was “like the entire country got a voicemail from the FBI director just saying, ‘We need to talk.’ “
“With everything hanging over us this election now we have the shadow of Anthony Weiner’s photographic genitalia,” added Meyers as a phallic shadow encroached on the screen. Meyers also played a clip of Biden’s “Oh God” response to finding out the emails were linked to Weiner.
“Way to go, Anthony Weiner. You broke Joe Biden,” said Meyers.
Sign up for THR news straight to your inbox every day