the pulse

If you enjoy LOL, ROFL and :), has the CW got a BFD for you

I don't think I need to tell you that things are a little bit tough right now in the print journalism business. The focus groups are saying we need more "edge" to survive, and I doubt they're talking about the shaving gel. It's that whole "Evolve or die!" thing. Heed the future or become road kill on that info superhighway thingy.

What's quickly becoming clear is that in order to effectively pander to ever-fickle tastes and trends, it's important to swear a lot. Or at least, pretend to swear. As we live in a land where profane words remain inherently evil, this means an abundance of vowels and consonants and a sort of third-grade approach to public discourse.

This idea has started to be embraced big-time in TV network ad/promo/marketing departments. TV Land premiered a new series this week titled "The Big 4-0," whose promotional campaign included the slogan, "Embrace the F-Word." The CW is teasing next Monday's return in original episodes of its youth-skewed hour "Gossip Girl" with a series of titillating promos and print ads that feature its characters in the throes of sexual bliss along with the on-screen acronym "OMFG!"

It seemed odd to me that the CW would be making a BFD out of the Official Meeting Facilities Guide corporate planner, until it was pointed out that in this context it actually stands for Oh My Fucking God! — or perhaps the PC equivalent, Oh My F-ing God!

Somewhat astonishingly, one still can't utter the ever-popular term "fuck" on those channels that reside mostly in the single digits on your cable system. Meanwhile, a few clicks away, they're actually engaged in the act itself. But this logic matters little to either those Neanderthal watchdog groups who so generously protect us from ourselves, or to the FCC (a.k.a. the Federal Censorship Commission).

It also isn't as if TV's creeping acronym fixation is restricted to OMFG. "Gossip Girl" regularly refers in its very dialogue to BFF (best female friend) and numerous other of-the-moment colloquialisms. It also needn't be restricted to a single lame teen trifle like "GG," either. The other networks have scarcely tapped the opportunity to create their own catchy abbreviations that might put a unique stamp on their programming.

Here are a few suggestions, offered up here gratis:

For NBC's "Deal or No Deal": "WHDUWIAHE" ("We Honestly Don't Understand Why It's a Hit, Either").

For ABC's "Dancing With the Stars": "TDBTC" ("They Dance Because They Care").

For Fox's "The Moment of Truth": "RLIF" ("Ruining Lives Is Fun!").

For ABC's "According to Jim": "FISO" ("Funny Is So Overrated").

For NBC's "30 Rock": "WARA" ("What Are Ratings Anyway?").

For CBS' "Numb3rs": "NQCY" ("Not Quite Canceled Yet").

For NBC's "My Name Is Earl": "SMTOJ" ("Still Milking That One Joke").

For ABC's "Desperate Housewives": "LABATYLNDTO" ("Life's a Bitch and Then You Live Next Door to One").

For Fox's "American Idol": "WTHDYTYLA" ("What the Hell Do You Think You're Looking At?").

For CBS' "Two and a Half Men": "KCSOTSAAFYD" ("Keeping Charlie Sheen Off the Streets and Away From Your Daughters").

For "The Oprah Winfrey Show": "YCCHG" ("You Can Call Her God").

For NBC's "Scrubs": "CBSW" ("Coming Back Someplace Whenever").

So I hope the above ideas leave you ROTF or LOL. But I'm out of room and out of time. In other words, GTG before I become a PITA.