Stephen Colbert Jokes He Wouldn't Kill Baby Hitler, "Would Raise Him With Love"
Poking fun at the presidential candidates' answers to the NYT poll: "I wouldn't let him join anything where he had to wear a uniform: no Cub Scouts, no Little League and definitely no marching band!"
On the night of the Republic presidential debate, Stephen Colbert took a moment out of Tuesday's Late Show to salute Jeb Bush's answer to the New York Times poll about going back in time to "kill Hitler as a baby."
Colbert told the audience that he hopes the question would come up in the latest televised debate. "When time travel technology arrives, you know the president will be the first to use it, and you want a trustworthy leader at the helm of 'Time Force One', someone who will use it responsibly and not waste it on taking Jesus on a pterodactyl ride — I know it looks like fun but we've got to have priorities!" he joked.
And as Ben Carson previously said the Holocaust could have been prevented if the Jewish population had guns, Colbert noted that, "he wouldn't kill Hitler himself — as a doctor, he swore, 'First, do no harm. Second, give everyone guns.'"
"I'm not running for president, but here's what I would do with a time machine," he then explained. "I too would travel back to the time of baby Hitler. ... I wouldn't kill young Adolf, I would take him from his parents and raise him with love. Hear me out: I would give Hitler a safe, supportive home. All the while, I would watch him like a hawk. I wouldn't let him join anything where he had to wear a uniform: no Cub Scouts, no Little League and definitely no marching band.
"Most importantly, I would teach baby Hitler that we do not solve our problems with violence," Colbert continued. "And then, if he starts getting mouthy as a teenager, I'd stick a knife in his ribs and snap off the handle."
Watch the video below.