Tiffany Haddish Gives Advice to Emmys Host Jimmy Kimmel and Reveals Dream to Open a Grocery Store

Tiffany Haddish Comedy Special 2019 - Netflix Publicity-H 2020
Lara Solanki/Netflix

Nominated for her latest Netflix special, the comedian also previews her acceptance speech, should she win at the Sept. 20 ceremony.

Whatever form the Emmy ceremony takes this year, you can bet Tiffany "She Ready" Haddish will be ready. Already a 2018 Emmy winner for her guest-hosting stint on Saturday Night Live, this time Haddish is nominated in the variety special category for her coming-of-Jewish-age Netflix comedy special, Tiffany Haddish: Black Mitzvah. Haddish, 40, gave THR a preview of her lockdown acceptance speech — and revealed her plans to start a grocery co-op in South Los Angeles.

Do you have advice for Jimmy Kimmel as he hosts this strange lockdown edition of the Emmys?

My advice to him is to wear some really comfortable pants. Maybe if he wants to spice it up, he should wear some man-lingerie — gray sweatpants. To me, that's sexy.

If you win, what's your acceptance speech going to be?

First of all, how do you know you won if you're not sitting in the audience? Like, am I going to have to sit there not knowing if I'm winning or not and watching this with everyone? And, then, if I did win, is it going to patch me in and I'll be sitting on my couch, smoking a joint, drinking some vodka: "Oh, I won? Oh damn. OK. Um … I want to thank all my co-workers. I want to thank everyone who helped make this possible." Then I would rattle off a few names. "I just want to say thank you to everyone who voted. Thank you to grandma for hooking up with my grandpa, which made my momma, who hooked up with my daddy. Thank y'all for doing that. And if y'all want affordable groceries, holler at ya girl 'cause I'm about to open up a grocery store. Tiffany Haddish. I'm out. Thank you." It will be all of two or three minutes.

And no orchestra to play you off!

It would be funny if it was like, "You won." "I what? Well, let me put this joint out. Hold up." Because that's what I've been doing during quarantine.

Are you getting any writing done?

I'm definitely writing. And I'm literally trying to open a grocery store, so I work on that every day for two hours.

Where?

I want to open it up in [the] Baldwin Hills [area], South Central area of Los Angeles. And I'm going to call it Diaspora Groceries Co-op. People will be like, "Diaspora? Why?" And I'll be like, "Well, diaspora means people that have been displaced from their native land. So isn't that all of America?"

How did you come up with that idea?

I've been reading about the history of America, and then I saw the marches on TV, and I saw a police officer say, "We're here to protect the owners." And how can I help the Black community circulate their dollars in the community more? So I said, "I know, I'll open up a grocery store that has Black vendors! And then I'll make it a co-op so all the members are also owners." We'll have cooking classes, and I'm going to teach financial literacy classes. It's a big dream, but getting nominated for an Emmy was a big dream, too. And I won an Emmy in 2018. So anything is possible. Anything.

This story first appeared in the Aug. 12 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. Click here to subscribe.