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Ay, ay, ay. Monday’s episode of The Bachelorette featured a gamut of emotions as Kaitlyn endured some singing that could be generously referred to as “pitchy,” heard the L-word and received a patronizing lecture to end all patronizing lectures. If Ian is a gift you unwrap for life, Kaitlyn would be well advised to keep the receipt.
The episode began with Nick meeting the guys at their New York City hotel room, where Tanner questioned why Nick was recently photographed with Andi Dorfman. Joshua took issue with Nick calling Kaitlyn a “cool chick,” although complaining about a Bachelorette contestant’s vocabulary is a little like complaining that a Real Housewives castmember is overly concerned with status. (Translation: It kind of comes with the territory.)
The gang headed to Citi Field, where Shawn told Kaitlyn he has trouble trusting her decision-making now that Nick is in the mix. Finally, in the rose ceremony that should have happened last weekend (and should not have taken place outdoors in the frigid New York weather), Nick earned a rose, leading to some top-notch glowering from the rest of the guys, while Corey, Jonathan and Ryan were sent packing.
In San Antonio, Ben H. landed the one-on-one date, which he was thrilled about, since it meant getting to ride with Kaitlyn in a “sick truck.” (What did we just say about vocabulary?) The two went dancing and Ben opened up about his dating past, and he got the date rose.
Nick was selected for his first group date, meaning he got to wear a sombrero and tight black pants. The guys sang mariachi tunes to serenade Kaitlyn, and while no one could top the young boy who sang with the band, Joe came close with his “Will you mariachi me” line. Nick then took Kaitlyn to the balcony and shouted about his “erection,” as if Joshua didn’t despise him enough already.
Speaking of which, Joshua decided to make things weird in all sorts of ways during the after-party. First, he told Kaitlyn to give him a haircut, which just made zero sense. (Has he never heard of Supercuts? They’re really cheap.) Then he pulled her aside again to say that every guy in the house hates Nick, leading Kaitlyn to ask if this means they’ve all been lying to her. Suddenly, letting Kaitlyn cut his hair was not the dumbest move Joshua made in this episode, which is saying something.
After Joshua lied to the guys about where he was, Kaitlyn joined the group and asked how they felt about Nick. Unsurprisingly, the other guys claimed to have no idea what Joshua was talking about, and Kaitlyn wasn’t pleased, deciding to give the date rose to Nick. Well played, Josh.
The final one-on-one date went to Shawn, with whom Kaitlyn is clearly smitten. She even praised his scent, which is presumably not something someone would say about a farmer (no offense, Chris Soules). The two went kayaking and then had dinner, where Shawn opened up about his car accident. He got the rose and admitted to falling in love with her, which led to (literal and figurative) fireworks.
After informing the audience that he would be perfect as the next Bachelor, Ian proceeded to completely convince viewers otherwise by boasting about how he brings more to the table than the other guys, bafflingly referring to himself as a “gift you unwrap for life.” (Thanks, but we’ll just take a gift card.) He also said, “I meet chicks, and I have a lot of sex,” which are two things that he won’t be doing once the women of America watch this episode.
Ian pulled Kaitlyn aside to chide her about everyone on the show being “on a vacation from life,” which actually sounds pretty awesome, if you ask us. He called her a “surface-level” person who is “here to make out with a bunch of dudes on TV.” Also, did he really expect to use the words “poop jokes” and not make her smile? She’s not made of stone, Ian.
The episode ended with the words “to be continued,” since that’s the only way any episode ends this season. Next week will show Ian’s grand exit, along with the identity of the guy with whom Kaitlyn apparently does the sort of thing that is supposed to be saved for the sanctity of the fantasy suite.
Was Joshua right to call out Nick to Kaitlyn? What did you think of Ian’s speech? Are you hoping that the 12-year-old mariachi singer becomes the Bachelor in 2025? Let us know in the comments!
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