Charlie Sheen is convinced Two and a Half Men will return to CBS.
“Absolutely the gig’s coming back, and I have absolute faith in that. Not hope, because hope is for suckers,” Sheen said on Philadelphia-based Wired 96.5’s Chio and Shila in the Morning Show (which he called into because the station flew a plane over his home begging him to).
A rep for CBS has no comment.
VIDEO: Charlie Sheen’s bizarre TV interviews
“I see us back on the air with a few adjustments, and giving the people not only what they want, but what they deserve, which is loyalty,” he added.
“It feels like we’re getting close to something. I don’t want to say what. But it just feels like the worm is turning, it feels like all parties myself excluded are finally waking up,” Sheen went on. “It’s like some hot springs in Middle Earth are finally ready to explode outward and say, ‘Here is it, here it is, embrace this man, embrace this man.'”
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CBS canceled the remaining eight episodes after Sheen’s controversial statements about showrunner Chuck Lorre. When asked by the radio hosts if Lorre would embrace his return, Sheen said, “Well, hello, duh. Figure that one out.”
Sheen said the network did compliment him when he was an actor on the show, but they were backed by “the disdain of judgment and the stench of lies.”
He admitted that he’s going to begin Twittering endorsements to make up the $1.2 million-per-episode paycheck he’s missing out on from the show. The CEO of Ad.ly, which set up his account, told The Hollywood Reporter he stands to make about $1 million a year.
“That seems to be what the people want at this stage in the tsunami,” Sheen said. “It feels like that has to be my next move, not just to make a bunch of cash, but to spread the world globally, universally, intergalactically. Bring it!”
He joked he’ll make $10,000 a Tweet if he writes “an insult.”
Sheen announced his book Apocalypse Me on Twitter Thursday, and said on the radio show that a dictionary of his popular phrases (“Tiger Blood” and “winning” have both become trending topics on Twitter after he used them during media interviews) is “already being created as we speak. We add to it daily, me and my trust army behind me.”
But the HBO show he spoke about earlier seems to be a no go.
“I’m starting to think the guy who called me was a complete impostor. Sorry about that. My bad!” Sheen said.
When asked about his haters, Sheen said, “They boil my tiger blood like a microwave on meth.”
“I don’t speak to them anymore. I speak past them. I don’t have any interest in being stuck in the mire of their stupidity. I lead with the truth. I’ve been inside the truth. If they decided to come around eventually… because the party over here is really bitching.”
Sheen says he “cannot speak” about the custody of his children. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude… can I just say I’m not unhappy about the results.”
How are his live-in “goddesses?”
“How do you think they are? You’re still referring to them as Goddesses. They are as fabulous as anything you could possibly imagine… every time I walk into a room, they have this magical presence that just makes me feel alive and focused. And jealous much everybody? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Some people call it unconventional… if you look at the scoreboard…it does not lie. I’m 0 for 3 in the marriage department, so I’m gonna try this for a little bit. This seem sot be, I don’t know, working!”
