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Chuck Lorre offered some insights into last week’s Producers Guild Awards comments about Ben Affleck‘s manhood — and he did it the only way he knows how, with a vanity card tacked onto one of his many CBS sitcoms.
Lorre, who earned laughs at the PGA show for telling the crowd he’d scoped out Affleck in the men’s room, broke the news to viewers of Mike & Molly and Mom that he was very clearly joking. And not only was it a gag, the original targets were Martin Scorsese and Harvey Weinstein.
“To be completely honest, the original version of the joke had me peeing next to and peeking at Martin Scorsese — who was, at best, a grower not a show-er,” he wrote. “I cut it, wisely I thought, because it felt unfair to ‘belittle’ a giant of cinema, even if I had issues with Hugo. I then considered telling the same joke with Harvey Weinstein as the celebrity at the neighboring stall, but cut that as well because I worried that he might be able to have me hurt.”
It turns out that Lorre, on the PGA stage to accept Norman Lear Achievement Award in Television, has never actually met Affleck — at a urinal or otherwise. And despite the running theme of his considered jokes, he also isn’t a bathroom peeper.
Read the full vanity card below:
Not that it really matters, but the joke I made at the Producers Guild Awards regarding Ben Affleck’s genitals being of sufficient size to fill the caped crusader’s codpiece was just that, a joke. I’ve never met Mr. Affleck in or out of a men’s room. Nor am I in the habit of peeking at another guy’s junk while standing at a urinal. (I mostly stare at the tiles and worry that the invisible auto-flush light beam is secretly cooking my internal organs.) I just wanted to open my speech with a cheap laugh about the Golden Globes. To be completely honest, the original version of the joke had me peeing next to and peeking at Martin Scorsese — who was, at best, a grower not a show-er. I cut it, wisely I thought, because it felt unfair to “belittle” a giant of cinema, even if I had issues with “Hugo.” I then considered telling the same joke with Harvey Weinstein as the celebrity at the neighboring stall, but cut that as well because I worried that he might be able to have me hurt. It was only when I thought of Mr. Affleck that it finally hit me. If I’m going to make up stuff about another man’s penis, why not go positive? Embellish his endowment if you will. It’s still funny. And it also allowed me to work in the Comic-Con Batman angle. Win-win right? Wrong. While the joke did score at the PGA event, it got way too much traction afterward. Which is why I now feel the need to set the record straight. You want to know if Affleck is man enough to be Bruce Wayne? Ask his wife. Or, if you’re feeling man enough, rent “Daredevil.” On Blu-ray.
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