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Hi, I’m Conan O’Brien – future answer to a $200 “Jeopardy” question.
Welcome to tonight’s show: By the time you see this, I’ll be halfway to Rio in a stolen NBC traffic copter.
In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I’m such an idiot they now want me to run the network.
According to the Nielsen Company our ratings are way, way up this week. And that’s nothing – wait till you see what we have planned for February.
It’s been reported that Tiger Woods has checked into a sex rehab clinic. Actually he’s checked into three sex clinics, but they don’t know about each other.
The US State Department has released an updated photo of Osama bin Laden that shows what he might look like after aging a decade. And guess what? Somebody got faaaat….
First Lady Michelle Obama says she doesn’t let her daughters watch the show “Jersey Shore.” When asked why, the first lady said, “Because I love my children.”
Some scholars of ancient Hebrew are now suggesting that certain portions of the Bible could have been written centuries earlier than others. The scholars say they know this because the newer portions all begin, “Previously, on ‘The Bible.’”
Director Michael Bay says that the upcoming “Transformers 3” won’t be as robot-heavy and will have fewer explosions. The full title of the movie is “Transformers 3: What’s the Point?”
Earlier today, Chinese officials shut down what would have been China’s first gay beauty pageant. Come on China, you can’t make it illegal for girls to be born – and then not expect at least a FEW guys to end up gay.
In Sweden, a group was attending a Weight Watchers meeting when the floor collapsed. No one was hurt, unless you count everybody on the floor below.
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