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On Sunday’s episode of Last Week Tonight, host John Oliver discussed crisis pregnancy centers, arguing that the religious organizations use manipulative tactics to convince women not to get abortions.
And thanks to Last Week Tonight‘s church, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, Oliver and his TV wife Wanda Jo (Rachel Dratch) created a crisis pregnancy center of their own.
The pair filed paperwork in New York last week, Oliver explained, to create the nonprofit Our Lady of Choosing Choice.
After revealing the organization’s van, brandishing the phrase “Vanned Parenthood,” Oliver opened the vehicle to show Dratch inside. “Praise be, praise be! And welcome to Vanned Parenthood,” she announced.
Oliver explained that while in the van, they are allowed to tell the visitors any information that they can think of. Dratch added, “I tell women if they get an abortion, it’ll make a ghost baby that will haunt your hoo-haw forever.”
And, she said, “After an abortion, your vagina seals shut like an Egyptian tomb.”
Oliver chimed in, “That’s a striking image. These are all things that we can say.”
Dratch also shared her lack of qualifications when it comes to helping pregnant women. “Did you know that I’m not legally required in New York to have any training at all to use this ultrasound machine?” she asked. Oliver then responded, “That’s absolutely terrifying, but in that case let’s get some jelly on some bellies.”
The actress then used the ultrasound wand to check if Oliver was pregnant. She declared, “You’re pregnant! It’s a miracle!”
The pair followed up the pregnancy announcement with a conversation about their feelings on birth control. “I do give out condoms, but I tell people they’re 0 percent effective,” said Dratch. “Because I cut the tops off these suckers. Lets you blow the Holy Spirit right on through.”
“The best part is, just like our church, we are tax-exempt and we could be eligible for government funding,” shared Oliver. “Praise discretionary budgets!”
The segment concluded with Oliver explaining just how problematic he believes real crisis pregnancy centers are. “The point is this is all perfectly legal, and there’s absolutely nothing stopping us from parking outside an abortion clinic tonight and harassing people first thing in the morning, and frankly, there really fucking should be.”
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