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On Monday’s episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart participated in the show’s beloved segment “The Colbert Questionert,” where he expounded on the best sandwich, the scariest animal and his favorite action movie, as well as other deeply personal topics.
In honor of Stewart’s new Apple TV+ show, The Problem With Jon Stewart, premiering this week, host Colbert explained he wanted to do a “deep dive” on his friend before he returns to television. Stewart, who initially called himself an “open book,” when the segment began, hilariously struggled to answer each of the simple questions.
When Colbert first asked what is the best sandwich, Stewart replied, “You can’t answer that question in terms of a particular sandwich. … The best sandwich is one that understands the bread-to-ingredient ratio.” He continued, “Whether it be a po’ boy, a hoagie, a Kaiser, or muffuletta, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the ratio of ingredient to bread and the addition of your liquidity.”
Colbert suggested a pickle as a condiment option, which prompted another tangent from Stewart: “A pickle is a bold addition,” he said. “What’s nice about the pickle is you’re getting a flavor addition, but also a textural jolt, if you will, that breaks in. What happens is your mouth comes through the bread, generally fresh, somewhat soft. So in your mind you’re like, ‘Oh I’ve got this.’ but then you hit that motherfucking pickle. It’s, ‘Hello, I want in.’ And you’ve got to really work, and when you get through, it bursts and you just — so what was the question?”
After settling on the appropriate split as “65 to 75 percent ingredient,” Stewart and Colbert debated the scariest animal. Stewart initially argued that it had to be a land animal because fish are not considered animals: “So, here’s the problem with a shark and here’s the problem with fish in general: It’s the medium in which they travel because everything is scary when you have no visibility.”
He then joked, “You know what I just realized? I’m just a crazy old man off the street.”
Stewart finally decided on a cat as the scariest animal. It’s “a killing machine. … It will murder all over the neighborhood,” he reasoned, “and it will bring it to you and put it on your bed as if to say, ‘You better keep fucking feeding me or I will rip you to shreds.'”
The former Daily Show host also revealed his favorite action movie is Finding Nemo, he prefers apples to oranges, and his least favorite smell comes from objects found on New Jersey beaches.
Check out the two-part interview below to hear more of Stewart’s thoughtful answers.
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