“I had a long weekend and not just because my illegal firework business literally blew up in my face,” Klepper began. “I’m worried about the ongoing witch hunt in this country.” A photo of President Donald Trump’s tweet that read “WITCH HUNT!” then appeared onscreen. “No, not that one. The one being perpetrated against me and my show.
“That’s right. The deep-state shadow cabal known as Viacom has The Opposition in its crosshairs and our last episode will air on June 28,” Klepper said.
After the audience began to boo, the host of the alt-media satire told them to stop. “Turn that boo upside down. We will fight because they’re trying to take us down,” he said. “Comedy Central came to me and said they didn’t like the ‘things that I say,’ ‘the face that I have,’ ‘the person that I have become,’ so we all know who’s to blame here. Not me. It’s them. They are the ones conspiring against me.”
Klepper then addressed who “they” are. “The short answer is everyone,” he said. “But I want to go deeper. All hands on deck.” The host called on his team of citizen journalists to give their opinions about why the show was canceled.
“I’ll tell you who’s to blame. The crooked mainstream media that lies about audience size. This show won the Electoral College and it would’ve won the popular vote it if weren’t for the 3 to 5 million illegal viewers watching all those late-night Jimmys,” said Laura Grey. “If you counted those numbers, we have Young Sheldon spinoffs pouring out of our ass.”
Added fellow citizen journalist Kobi Libii: “I’ll tell you who’s to blame. The Illuminati. Is it a coincidence that on the same weekend Jay-Z and Beyonce were praised for releasing a secret album, I was ostracized for releasing my collection of Koch brothers erotica? No, Jordan, because the Illuminati refuse to acknowledge the beauty and sensual nuance of some hardcore Koch-on-Koch action.”
“We know exactly who the bad guy is, Jordan. Hollywood,” said citizen journalist Josh Sharp. “Those lefty PC elites. They’re relentless,” added Aaron Jackson.
“Yeah, well, we have a message for you, Hollywood. From this moment on, we’re contractually available,” said Sharp. “That’s right, you Antifa Hollywood scum. We’ll take any job — especially a loosely formatted talk show, perhaps in the fashion world,” said Jackson.
Citizen journalist Niccole Thurman blamed the deep state for the cancellation. “There is no state deeper than Florida,” she said. “Now my psychic tarot card-reading dry cleaner told me that a voltron of alligators in the Okefenokee Swamp is out to get us because of my hot takes on the Harry Potter play. Gator voltrons love Broadway.”
When Klepper asked if that was true, Thurman responded, “I don’t know. Spread it.”
“Blame our feminist agitators, Jordan,” said Tim Baltz. “But I’m one step ahead of them. I infiltrated the she-ocracy in the women’s section of my local Urban Outfitters dressed as something I know women love. A tampon. But they saw through my disguise, saying, ‘Why are you dressed like that?’ and “Is that what you think a tampon looks like?’ And I was like, ‘I assumed it was like a cigarette with a computer on it.’ Oh boy, did I ever get physically removed from another women’s clothing section.”
Klepper then addressed the audience: “Opposers, this fight is far from over. We are going to fight for our First Amendment right to be on television forever. I’m like Icarus flying closer and closer to the truth. You know you’re close, because you can feel your wings melting.”
Comedy Central has announced that Klepper will remain on the network for a new, weekly half-hour talk show that is tentatively titled Klepper.
Watch Monday’s Opposition clip below.