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In the latest Quarantine Minilogue, Jimmy Kimmel addressed the recent updates in the coronavirus pandemic and welcomed special guest Julia Louis-Dreyfus to get an update on how she’s doing while quarantined.
In the opening moments of his monologue, the late-night host was quick to wish his mother Joan a happy birthday. “If you see her, tell her to go back in the house. I got you everything on your Amazon wishlist: Charmin, Purell and two cans of garbanzo beans.”
Switching gears to discuss the latest developments regarding the coronavirus, Kimmel responded to the government’s claims that the quarantine could be in effect for “18 months or longer.” “I’m not sure how may rolls of toilet paper that requires, but I know that I don’t have them,” he said. “Eighteen months of quarantine means we are about to see a lot our friends’ real hair color. But if it does go on this long, I’m going to need to figure out a way to generate some advertising money.”
Kimmel then quipped that he lined up his “first sponsor”: lentils. “Don’t go mental, get some lentil,” he recited his created tagline.
Though eager to be “out of this house before Blue Ivy graduates medical school,” Kimmel sarcastically began addressing how President Donald Trump has it “under control.” “Our fearless misleader believes the prognosis is good,” Kimmel explained, referencing Trump’s tweet in which he stated that “we are going to win sooner rather than later.”
“What are we going to win? We can’t find eggs,” Kimmel asked. Kimmel also criticized Trump for referring to the coronavirus as the “Chinese virus.” “I’ve really had enough of this guy. Just shut up already and let the doctors take over.”
“You, Trump, the shark. Go away. Hand it over to Mike Pence. Go sit in your room and scream at Mar-a-Lago and scream at the television all day,” Kimmel said of Trump.
Speaking of other “idiots,” as Kimmel described, the late-night host also criticized spring breakers in Florida refusing to abide by the social-distancing guidelines: “Where have you gone, Jaws? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.”
Later in the show, Kimmel welcomed Louis-Dreyfus via a video chat, where the Veep star gave an update on how she’s been while quarantined at home like Kimmel. After Kimmel asked whether she was deemed the cook of the house given her two young adult children are residing with her and her husband, the actress sighed as she admitted she was. “I am and it’s irritating the hell out of me,” she explained. “I don’t like to cook this much. It’s three grown men and myself. It’s a lot of food.”
The topic of conversation prompted Kimmel to share his baking creation of focaccia bread. “I’m going to gain like 30 pounds over this.”
“I’ve been forbidden from baking because everybody is trying to eat healthy while we’re all quarantined up,” Louis-Dreyfus went on to say, explaining that should she have her way, she’d be baking treats such as carrot cake, key lime pie and orange cake.
Later, the two discussed how they’ve approached quarantining. Louis-Dreyfus said though she’s been running errands “hyper-carefully,” the only way she’s “keeping my sanity” is by going outside and walking or hiking. “That really just calms me down,” she said. Meanwhile Kimmel admitted he made a run to In N’ Out but noticed something that bothered him: seeing “three guys in a row touching the ATM machine with their bare fingers.”
“No Purell. Taking the dirty money. No regard for hygiene whatsoever,” Kimmel said, leaving Louis-Dreyfus to assure that when she visits an ATM machine she’s going to wear rubber gloves and is considering putting Purell on her ATM card. “Although I’m concerned it might deactivate it,” she said as Kimmel nodded in approval. The actress also joked that she’s “washed away” her fingerprints with how much she’s washing her hands.
Louis-Dreyfus then went on to give insight into what shows she’s bingeing, including Netflix’s Cheer and Last Chance U. The pair also discussed how Louis-Dreyfus’s phone doesn’t recognize her anymore now that she’s not glammed up. “It hurts my feelings because I just think that’s a bummer,” she quipped.
Trying to find a positive, Kimmel suggested that “maybe you’re doing too good a job at being glammed up.” When Louis-Dreyfus refused to agree, Kimmel joked: “You have to stay negative. That’s what they say.”
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