President Trump wants the Pentagon to put on a military parade, and late night has a lot to say about that.
“We kid the president, but you’ve got to admit he’s one of a kind,” The Late Show‘s Stephen Colbert said Wednesday night in explaining the news to the audience. “No one comes up with dumber ideas — at this point he’s really his own competition. He’s the Usain Bolt of stupid.”
Calling it “Trump’s record-setting dumb,” Colbert made a joke about Trump’s wish completing “dictator Bingo,” and explained that military parades are not something that the U.S. has typically put on.
“Normally if you’re in a city with U.S. tanks rolling down the road, I wouldn’t bring the children,” he joked, adding, “when you’re the most powerful military in the world, you don’t need to show it off. We know we got a big joint.”
— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) February 8, 2018
Over on Late Night, host Seth Meyers put it bluntly. “That’s right, Trump wants a military parade. So you’re just going full dictator now? Just dick wasn’t enough?” he joked.
“And if you’re worried a tank won’t fit on Pennsylvania Avenue, don’t worry. If it’s anything like Trump’s last parade, there will be plenty of room,” he said, referring to the now-famous inauguration photo, which showed a smaller crowd size than the one for former President Barack Obama.
Meyers also poked fun at the president’s lack of a military record. “Man, you had a chance to be in the military and you dodged it. If you wanted to hold a parade for something you yourself actively avoided, why don’t you throw an IRS parade or a parade of personal trainers?”
The Daily Show‘s Trevor Noah said the reason people have issue with Trump’s idea is because “military parades have come to be associated with authoritarian regimes like North Korea, the Soviet Union and China.”
He points out that the news does not necessarily make Trump a dictator, but “it’s when you look at everything else that your Spidey senses start to tingle.”
After pointing out that Trump has praised dictators in the past, such as North Korea’s Kim Jong-un, “Trump is so thirsty. I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s on all of these dictators’ Instagrams commenting on every pic, ‘Great photo, follow back! Nice abs, like for like! Come on, sexy missile, follow back!'”
Jordan Klepper poked fun at the military parade idea on The Opposition by “dismissing” comparisons that one news commentator made between Trump and Napoleon. “Napoleon was a narcissistic misogynist with weird hair and multiple wives who lived in an extravagant, ornate tower. He’s nothing like Trump. The only thing he has in common with Trump is his famously large hands,” Klepper joked.
Klepper then underscored how “normal” the idea was. “It’s not self-indulgent. It’s good leadership. In fact, I do it every day. It’s parade o’clock right now,” he said, before his staff came out in a single-file line as Klepper shouted. “Mine! Are you loyal?” repeatedly.