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Call it unfortunate timing for Lance Armstrong and Manti Te’o. The sports stars made major headlines the same week Saturday Night Live returned with its first episode of 2013, so naturally they became the targets of mockery during the show’s cold open.
First up, Armstrong (Jason Sudeikis) speaks to CNN’s Piers Morgan (Taran Killam). Mocking Armstrong’s real-life sit-down with Oprah Winfrey, Sudeikis’ take on the disgraced cyclist is arrogant, defiant and only “sorry-ish” about the mistakes he had made.
When Morgan says some people were questioning the sincerity of Armstrong’s apology, the cyclist screams: “Who said that? Who? They’re liars! Those fat bitches!”
He then apologizes — sort of.
“A lot of the reason I just yelled was because of the cancer I had, which is not an excuse, unless you think it is,” Armstrong says. “The most important thing is I never, ever called anyone a fat bitch.”
In real life, one of the oddest moments from Armstrong’s OWN interview came when he insisted he never called his former teammate’s wife Betsy Andreu “fat,” even while admitting to calling her “a bitch.”
Morgan went on to interview Notre Dame star Te’o (Bobby Moynihan), whose relationship with his girlfriend was revealed Wednesday to have been an elaborate hoax.
SNL’s take on Te’o portrays him as a supremely gullible man who still doesn’t understand that Lennay Kekua was fictitious.
“The sad fact is, I was the victim of a cruel and senseless hoax,” he says. “It’s even more devastating for my girlfriend, Lennay.”
When Morgan repeatedly tries to explain the hoax to Te’o, he still doesn’t get it, simply saying, “Lennay is gonna be pissed.”
To round out the all-star cold open, Morgan brings on Jodie Foster (Kate McKinnon), whose Golden Globes speech made waves, as the actress came just short of coming out as a lesbian. On SNL, she begins to say words that sound like “gay” and “lesbian,” but turns them into “game” and “Leslie Nielsen.”
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