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The Saturday Night Live cold open took aim at Donald Trump’s recent press conference in East Palestine, Ohio, following a train derailment and toxic chemical spill.
“It’s wonderful to be here in the town of East Palestine, not a great name,” James Austin Johnson’s Trump opened the Feb. 25 segment. “To come here and see these wonderful people who have been abandoned by Biden. He’s on spring break in Ukraine with his friend Zelensky in the T-shirt, very disrespectful.”
Johnson’s former president went on to say that it’s terrible what’s happening in the small town, noting that a farmer approached him and told him they had nothing to eat because the dirt is poison.
“And I said, ‘Well, what are you doing eating the dirt? Don’t eat the dirt,'” he said. “‘Don’t eat the dirt. You should be eating the cold McDonald’s I brought you and the bottled water and Trump ice. I’ll be honest, I just put my sticker on some Dasani.”
He continued, “I’ve heard all about your situation with the water, but I was looking at your river, and it’s so shiny. I’ve never seen water so beautiful — beautiful rainbows and discolorations. It’s wearing makeup Fenty Beauty Water by Rihanna.”
Johnson then segued into talking about Rihanna’s Super Bowl performance and how it was clear that she was pregnant because she wasn’t “moving at all,” before throwing blame onto Pete Buttigieg.
“This was his responsibility,” he said. “Unfortunately, he was too busy being a nerd and being gay.”
Woody Harrelson, who joined the Five-Timer’s Club with his hosting gig, kicked off the show with a rambling monologue that featured jokes surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic.
The actor said he read the “craziest script” after hosting SNL in 2019, before getting distracted by other topics for several minutes.
He finally circled back to the script he was referring to and said, “So the movie goes like this. The biggest drug cartels in the world get together and buy up all the media and all the politicians and force all the people in the world to stay locked in their homes. And people can only come out if they take the cartel’s drugs and keep taking them over and over.”
“I threw the script away,” he continued. “I mean, who was going to believe that crazy idea? Being forced to do drugs? I do that voluntarily all day long.”
Jack White was also featured as the musical guest on the episode.
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