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On Monday night’s show he praised Bezos’ innovative idea, noting that it solves the fatal flaw of Amazon’s overnight delivery service: “It takes for-EVAH!,” Colbert said, rolling his eyes.
“If I have to wait until tomorrow for my items to arrive, there goes tonight’s plans to watch Monday Night Football while doing backflips on my trampoline,” Colbert pointed out.
Using drones to deliver packages in roughly 30 minutes is “a great idea,” Colbert said. “And guaranteed to be safe thanks to all the drone-testing we’ve done overseas. I mean, worst-case scenario, a few homes get carpet gifted with some collateral generosity.”
He then kicked the mockery into high gear, pointing out how the Amazon video showcasing the drone delivery service shows the device “carefully navigat[ing] through the parts of America with no trees, phone lines or buildings” before it “lands on your doorstep while your family cowers inside until after the semi-autonomous blade-wielding octocopter leaves.”
What could go wrong?
However, even this option still leaves him complaining that it takes too long for the products he buys to reach his hot little hands, so he revealed an even more innovative idea.
“Amazon locations that customers can walk into and buy things. And the inventory would be arranged not as drop down menus but as rows of physical merchandise that the customer can actually touch,” he explained. “And instead of waiting 30 minutes for a drone to arrive, they can place their selections into some sort of wheeled basket conveyance. It’s inspired by your website’s abstract cart graphic. Thus, they have the products instantly. I call it Amazon live.”
Indeed, the future as Colbert sees it is brick-and-mortar stores or SHOPs, as he calls them, which he said is an acronym for “Spending Habit Opportunity Places.”
“Call me, Bezos. With your money and my idea, we can have these … SHOPS … up and running by 2025,” Colbert said in closing.
Watch Colbert’s full drones segment below.
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