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Noah started the segment by talking about the Olympic games, pointing out that an American teen shooter won the first gold medal. He said this was “great especially because in America, news that starts with ‘teen shooter’ usually doesn’t end that well.” The Daily Show host added that Americans winning for shooting was a little too “on the nose” for him, comparing it to if Canada won for politely holding the door open for people.
Noah also commented on the Olympic pool’s water turning “soupy” and New Zealand competitor Jason Lee getting robbed, mocking Lee for being a jiu-jitsu athlete whose self-defense skills have no power against guns.
Turning his attention to Zika, Noah set his sights on Marco Rubio. The Florida senator and former Republican presidential candidate recently said that Zika-infected women should not get abortions, even if they believe their child is at risk of microcephaly.
“I don’t understand how any man thinks that he has the right to dictate to women what they should do with their body,” said Noah, as the crowd cheered him along in response.
He continued, “Men know nothing about what its like to be a women. Why do men always get to make laws about women’s health issues?” Noah said that would be like black people being the only ones allowed to decide whether white people are allowed to use sunscreen.
But he saved his harshest burn for Rubio, saying “I wish a giant mosquito would f— Rubio and leave him pregnant with a Zika baby. Then we’ll see how much he really believes in those laws.”
The lack of funding Zika has received from Congress was also a topic for discussion, as Noah started to make a joke comparing Congress to mosquitoes but stumbled, earning poor reviews from the judges.
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